All The Things That Come With It
The more time passes, the more I realise that it is doing so. And perhaps, that time is indeed finally taking effect. With every passing week, I can’t help but feel that I’m finally settling into a new role – one of being, better? Maybe. It’s not like I’ve suddenly transformed into everything I’ve wanted to be. But there are improvements, to be sure.
For many, calling up someone isn’t a great challenge – in fact, this is the case for the majority, I have no doubt. I, however, always turned into that meek little thing in the corner; the idea of having to call up someone I don’t know always makes me feel sick. I panic. I would do anything but ring a stranger. True story. … So when I manage to do it, of my own accord completely without encouragement and riding on a sense of adult-esque determination, it feels oddly liberating. To everyone else, it’s no big deal; but I, who know myself better than the rest, feel proud. Because it’s a step in the right direction. And it counts for something. Even if it’s only small.
With one final week before we begin again, I’m ready to take the challenges. The year may have started a month ago but it truly begins when life returns to normal. The exams are testing everything done last year – how can you prepare and organise for upcoming events when you’re stuck running through things long since passed?
It’s frustrating. I’m ready to start now, ready for intense sessions at the gym, ready to mould myself into something worth being proud of. I need to direct my passions and determination into becoming whatever it is I feel I’m not.
Even if I don’t know what it is yet.
There’s this underlying feeling. And it’s remaining persistent, growing that little bit more each time. I could try to explain properly, but the problem is I can’t. Because there’s no time for words now, I feel like – more so than ever – like this could be the year I start to make something for myself. It’s the definitive year, maybe when everything changes – or maybe when just some things change.
It sounds stupid. Cliché. Dramatic.
But I don’t care, because I can feel it.
There are things approaching, inescapable things, that will make a lot of us. And we will all rapidly discover that we’re not children any more, and that around every corner is something new. Choose a path and stick to it.
This is Life.
